Pigskin Prophet: Gamecock Temp Agency Edition |
Last week was the appetizer and this week is the main course in college football. And, if you have a pulse, you just might want to enroll at South Carolina and earn a starting job on the football team. They’re hiring.
Yes, there were college football games last week, and yes, Nebraska looked extremely lost behind 16th-year quarterback Adrian Martinez. Martinez, who turns 40 in October, had one long run but otherwise was below average as the Scott Frost hire continues to look questionable. UCLA looked decent, but they played Hawaii and I don’t take a lot from that win. But it was football and I watched. This week? The real deal starts Thursday with Minnesota and Ohio St. As for South Carolina, they pulled a student manager onto the football team and miraculously is better than the Division XVIII quarterback they said was an NFL prospect and the 3-star out of Georgia. I am not sure what it says when a student manager is your best option to play quarterback, but head coach Shane Beamer (who says don’t you dare ask about uniforms cause we don’t care!!!!) has now opened a can of worms, and my inside sources tell me that Ms. Marjorie, who was working in the library on campus, will start at inside linebacker. My cousin Bill is gonna be a starting safety (he wears safety goggles at work and was noted as the most experienced option because he’s 62) and one of the starting guards is good old McCormick, who worked as a security guard at Williams-Brice last season. So, if you’ve ever played, or you can walk (or really stand upright for ten seconds without falling down), please make your way to Columbia. Those jobs are wide open. Now, let’s get to some picks. THURSDAY SOUTH FLORIDA AT NC STATE South Florida head coach Jeff Scott knows all about Dave Doeren and the Pack and has promised that his players won’t have towels that can be stolen and there will be no laptops on the sidelines. The Bulls suffered through a weird season last year and want to get this one off on the right foot, but they simply don’t have the horses to stay with NC State. The good news is that Doeren’s coaching will keep South Florida close for a while, but the depth chart will allow the Pack to pull away. NC STATE 42, SOUTH FLORIDA 17 OHIO ST. AT MINNESOTA Buckeye head coach Ryan Day led a long procession of Ohio residents from Myrtle Beach to Columbus a few weeks ago. He was under the impression that football season didn’t start until November, they would play three games and then get into the Playoff. His stay at the luxurious Trade Winds Motel (Free HBO!!!!) was cut short because it was time to practice, so he’s not in a good mood because he doesn’t want to play an entire schedule. This week they head to Minnesota to help PJ Fleck row his boat. The Gophers are good enough to keep this one interesting and I was oh so close to making this one my upset pick of the week. But the Myrtle Beach and Trade Winds mojo wins out. (On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, Myrtle Beach is a little less crowded this week and has less of an annoying accent). OHIO ST. 33, MINNESOTA 20 FRIDAY UNC AT VIRGINIA TECH So, UNC loses almost all of its offensive production and people wonder about the defense but yet UNC fans think this is a top ten squad? Yeah, not buying it. At least not yet. The Heels take their act of qualified 3-stars on the road to Blacksburg to take on embattled coach Justin Fuente and the Hokies. This game was close last year, even when the Hokies were missing what seemed like every defensive starter, and I expect the Heels to get a slap in the face from reality Friday. Hokie quarterback BurgerMeister MeisterBurger (or Braxton Burmeister) is fun to watch and he’ll have the Heels dancing to his tune most of the night. His opposite number Sam Howell does just enough to help UNC escape Blacksburg. HEELS 34, HOKIES 27. ALABAMA VS. MIAMI Ok, the Hurricanes feel like they might have a little something for Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide this week. They have quarterback D’Eriq King back (even though he’s coming off surgery) and a host of what they think are playmakers, and they want to make this one interesting. They won’t. Every Miami fan (all named Tony or Vinny, all tow truck drivers) will lose money taking the Canes and the 19 points. Saban is ruthless in openers. ALABAMA 56, MIAMI 23 EASTERN ILLINOIS AT SOUTH CAROLINA The Temp Agency (who is ready to work?!) Gamecocks take on a foe from the FCS world this weekend and should get the Shane Beamer era off to a good start. Should. But the Temp Agency has a history of losing to lesser schools, so you can never be too sure. However, Temp Agency has some good backs and can just hand it off 60 times and still win easy. We think. TEMPS 52, EASTERN ILLINI 13 UL LAFAYETTE AT TEXAS Billy Napier gets another chance to knock off a P5 foe when his takes his Ragin Cajuns into Austin. The Longhorns have a new head coach and a new outlook, but my guess is that many of the same problems still exist in Bevo Land. With a new QB and a new system the Horns could get off to a rocky start and it will surprise absolutely no one if the Cajuns and their weird way of talking lead this thing heading into the fourth quarter. However, Texas finds a way. TEXAS 31, UL LAFAYETTE 30 GEORGIA VS CLEMSON The highlight of the weekend has the Bulldogs and the Tigers meeting in Charlotte. The Tigers are a 3-point favorite, mainly because Kirby Smart is just dumb enough to make sure the other team has a fighting chance. However, Smart is going to do one bright thing and he is letting the captain of the last Georgia National Championship team to speak to his players before the contest. Yes, the former player is now 97 years old and will talk about "the good old days." This one should be fun, and I think I will pick the team that doesn't have a very angry and visibly upset Will Muschamp (I understand his fever blisters are still an issue) on the sidelines. No matter what happens, however, Muschamp will get back to Athens and eat the bushes at Sanford Stadium. CLEMSON 23, GEORGIA 17 SUNDAY NOTRE DAME AT FLORIDA ST. The Fightin Irish head down to Tallahassee hopeful that the Noles don’t call off the game at the last minute. The Seminoles still have talent and while the jury is out on head coach Mike Norvell, thing seem to be trending in the right direction. The Irish are breaking in a new quarterback and will have some issues early but will be comfortably ahead in the fourth quarter. NOTRE DAME 34, FSU 23 MONDAY LOUISVILLE AT OLE MISS Another ACC-SEC matchup to close out a beautiful weekend. The good news for Louisville is that their football coach – unlike their basketball coach – is not suspended for the first six games of the season. The bad news is that the Cards are still trying to build something competitive. However, the Cards can score and have to go into the contest thinking they have to outscore Lane Kiffin and the Rebels. This one should be fun to watch, especially if you like big plays and lots of touchdowns. If you want to make sure you miss work Tuesday, take a shot of bourbon every time an announcer says “SEC” and grunts. Then take a shot every time someone scores. OLE MISS 49, LOUISVILLE 45
Upgrade Your Account
Unlock premium boards and exclusive features (e.g. ad-free) by upgrading your account today.
Upgrade Now
