Pigskin Prophet: Gamecocks have no idea who or what they are edition |
It’s a good thing those people at the University of South Carolina have no idea what they’re doing. It keeps me rolling in money. Well, it gives me money, even if I can’t roll in it.
As you all know, I am the “fixer” down there and do whatever crazy things they need doing, and I finished a huge project for them just last week where we replaced every sign on campus with the new UofSC logo. If you’re counting, that’s 982,000 screws for signage, or about the same number of screws as…nope, not gonna go there. Two days after completion, I had the crew out to eat to celebrate the no more screws, and I received a call that they were once again changing the logo. They were going back, sort of, to the one that looks like the USC everybody knows. But with a Block C also. But also with a tree and gates. They will also be known as the University of South Carolina, USC, South Carolina or Carolina. “The actions announced today reflect our commitment to enhancing our iconic brand,” President Michael Amiridis said. Iconic? Really? Honestly, once you get outside of Columbia, when you think of that place, it’s about the chicken in the dress hiding behind the shower curtain. That’s the only iconic thing. They change uniform combos like Will Muschamp changes lip cream, and you have no idea what you’re seeing from week to week. Is it the red helmet and black jerseys? White jersey and black helmet? The white helmet and red pants and black jersey? The chrome? The one that looks like Oklahoma? They couldn’t even get the name of their chicken right, wanting to go from Sir Big Spur to holding a naming contest to C**k Commander to Cluck Norris to Steve and then back to Sir Dies A Lot. The real issue at hand is this: They have no idea who or what they are. None. All they know is that they scream and wave surrender towels and celebrate the death of their mascot by saying ‘Spurs Up.' They don’t have the best entrance in college football, but they do have the best exit, leaving usually at halftime or in the third quarter in big, orderly lines, throwing their surrender towels down in disgust. That’s who they are. They need to embrace it. Now onto some picks while I charge my screwdriver batteries. SATURDAY OHIO ST. AT PENN ST. Happy Valley is not very happy right now. James Franklin’s squad might as well be in the SEC because they are consistently overrated. That includes this season. They will roll out the white for the noon kick against Ohio St. and they will have emotion and the colorless landscape and the cheers and all will be right with the world. And then they’ll kick it off. They’ll be in it for a bit, but that’s about it. BUCKNUTS 41, PENN ST. 20 NOTRE DAME AT SYRACUSE The Irish have to go play in that horrific stadium in Syracuse this week in what is an interesting matchup. The Orange defense is ok, the Notre Dame offense is bad, and you figure points might be at a premium. But Syracuse came in and did everything but get arrested trying to keep up with Clemson and let that one slip away. Will they let that one beat them twice? They are beat up and very, very sad, and it might be a slow start. But they will eventually get going and the home crowd will get into it, the entire crowd in that tiny, sad, little stadium, and pull it out. SYRACUSE 23, NOTRE DAME 20 ARKANSAS AT AUBURN Here’s the deal with this one: No one cares. Moving along. MIAMI AT VIRGINIA This will be football at its worst in many ways, worse than what we saw with Virginia Tech and NC State. The Canes find ways to lose games – 17 penalties one week and eight turnovers the next week – and they don’t get the benefit of having Chico from Chico’s Bail Bonds and his lovely band of strippers cheering them on this week. Not in well-heeled Charlottesville. There will be turnovers. And penalties. And a lack of offense. But Miami is just bad. Really bad. VIRGINIA 23, MIAMI 17 PITT AT UNC Listen here, Muffy and Buffy and Dirk. Get Paxtyn and Braxtyn and Braylin and Braelin and all the kids into the stadium prior to kickoff. Take the maid with you, have her stuff the wine and cheese and all that under the back seat of the Volvo and get in there to watch this high-scoring affair. Pitt can run the ball, the UNC defense is bad, but UNC can score. Sorry Pat, no return to Charlotte this season. UNC 38, PITT 37 FLORIDA VS. GEORGIA I don’t have to be politically correct. This is still the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and it’s a big excuse for the fans of both sides to get really hammered. Billy Napier is doing ok in his first year in Gainesville, but it’s gonna take a while for them to get going in an SEC East that has Georgia and then Tennessee and then everybody else. It’s that everybody else where Florida falls, along with Kentucky and South Carolina and Vandy and Mizzou. Georgia keeps rolling. GEORGIA 37, FLORIDA 17 MISSOURI AT SOUTH CAROLINA I will be hanging signage when this one kicks off with most of the fans still in attendance. South Carolina is ranked, which doesn’t really say anything about them but more about the fact that there just aren’t a lot of good teams in college football. Mizzou is one of those teams that is not very good, barely beating woeful Vanderbilt while South Carolina took care of a really bad Texas A&M team. Spencer Rattler will turn it over three or four times, and their defense will get shredded at times, but they find a way. And they will again, and whoever or whatever they are will celebrate. SOUTH CAROLINA 22, MISSOURI 19 KENTUCKY AT TENNESSEE Here is what I mean about bad teams being ranked. Kentucky has beaten Youngstown St., Miami (OH), Northern Illinois and has wins over mediocre (at best) Florida and Miss. St. clubs. They’ve lost to Ole Miss and South Carolina. This group is just not very good in spots. Tennessee is rolling, yes, but you have to wonder if the Vols are looking ahead to a big game in Athens a week from Saturday. They might start slow, but they will get it cranked up and the Hillbillies will celebrate another win on Rocky Top. TENNESSEE 38, KENTUCKY 16
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