Pigskin Prophet: The Wetness Protection Program |
It’s been a busy week around college football. Injuries are piling up and teams that you wouldn’t expect are jumping atop the polls, giving us a chance of seeing a scintillating Playoff game between maybe Cincy and Michigan. If that happened, we would see Jim Harbaugh’s soul leave his body several times during the game as his limited psyche attempted to process what was happening. I can’t wait.
In the meantime, however, we still have to play out the rest of the season, and there is a lot of season left. Big things and crazy things can still happen. Clemson plays FSU this weekend and the ‘Noles are on a roll while Clemson is not. Of course, the teams didn’t play last season after Seminole head coach Mike Norvell went into the Wetness Protection Program – I spelled that right, cause he was scared of what would happen – and I get the feeling that similar things have happened this week. Sunday, Norvell called Swinney and said, “Listen, some of our players were watching a movie this morning and got Doritos down their pants, and there is burning cause they were the hot ones…” Swinney, “No. You still have to come play.” Monday, “Listen, Urban Meyer’s wife called, and she wants me to follow him around Sunday and see where he goes after the game, so I am not sure that I can make it up there Saturday…” Swinney, “No. You still have to come play.” Tuesday, “Hey Dabo, you’re not gonna believe this. But we had our game plan ready and I took it home, and my dog, he ate it all!!!” Swinney, “No. You still have to come play.” Wednesday, “Look, coach, I hate to have to be this way. But we were lining up the buses for the ride to the airport Friday, and we found out that all of the buses have the flu. We can’t make the buses run with the flu, now can we?” Swinney, “No. You still have to come play.” Thursday, “I know you’re probably thinking I am trying to get out of playing this game, but that’s not the case. In fact, we’ve practiced so hard this week and I am excited about seeing our guys play. But, see, what had happened was…” Swinney, “No. You still have to come play.” Now, onto some picks. MICHIGAN AT MICHIGAN ST. Oh boy, look, a real top-ten contest between two teams that are boring at best and quite boring at their worst. The hope here is that something unexplainable happens to Michigan and Harbaugh’s face collapses while his brain tries to process something that happened years ago and then his pants enter the Wetness Protection Program. The home team with the upset. MICHIGAN ST. 20, MICHIGAN 17 MIAMI AT PITTSBURGH One of my Pitt friends went was at the game last weekend and said that other than the low turnout, the NFL stadium, the urban campus, and the lack of parking and tailgating, Pitt employs a fantastic football experience. Of course, this Miami program was once good, so he can crow about beating the mighty Hurricanes and boast about beating another dynasty with 24 players over the age of 30, and his wife will pat him on the back and tell him he’s her big manly man. He will smile and march on to the ACC Championship Game with what is obviously the worst team to appear in the game since Duke was gifted a slot a long time ago. PITT 30, MIAMI 22 VIRGINIA TECH AT GEORGIA TECH Two coaches of bad teams, two coaches that might be on the hot seat. Two Techs. One a football school, one is whatever Georgia Tech is. Maybe the winner survives another year? I actually think the good folks in Blacksburg deserve better – they have the tradition, the stadium, the support, and a great game-day atmosphere. What they need is a coach. GEORGIA TECH 28, VIRGINIA TECH 24 GEORGIA VS. FLORIDA This one has always been one of the best games of the season, but as Dan Mullen continues to muddle his way through the mediocrity spectrum, he’s gotten behind the Kirby Smart CashFlow Recruiting Machine in Athens. The Bulldogs are stout on defense, and it doesn’t matter if they play Rudy at quarterback or that transfer from the West Coast or the student manager (maybe that is South Carolina), they get it done. Florida is average. Georgia is not. GEORGIA 37, FLORIDA 20 FLORIDA ST. AT CLEMSON The Seminoles have won three in a row after an 0-4 start that saw them lose to the 7-11 Convenience Crushers softball team and Sister Edna Beulah’s Sunday School class, and they’ve knocked off UMass and Syracuse and Mack Brown’s Media Makes Us Lose UNC team. So they will have a little bit of confidence heading into Death Valley. The Tigers, meanwhile, can’t seem to put drives together and drop passes and do all the things good teams don’t do. So the ‘Noles have the advantage, right? Nope. Remember the Wetness Protection Program? The Tigers put together their best game of the year and win. CLEMSON 27, FSU 16 LOUISVILLE AT NC STATE We knew that Dave DingDong’s Pack would lose a game they shouldn’t, or two or three, and that started last week with a loss to a bad Miami team in front of 413 fans in Hard Rock Pro Player Park Pro Player Stadium Dolphins Stadium Dolphin Stadium Land Shark Stadium Sun Life Stadium (that stadium has more names than my Aunt Bethany, who just got married for the seventh time). This Louisville team is actually pretty good on offense and they will give Dave’s squad a tussle. But Dave gets lucky at home, because word on the street is he never gets lucky at home. Wink. NC STATE 30, LOUISVILLE 24
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